Childhood Stressors

Unfortunaltly, I am submitting this blog late and may not receive credit but I will submit it t  At 3 years old my daughter was removed from her teenage mother because of physical abuse and neglect.  gwas left alone for extended periods of time and wasn't given much guidance at all.  Her social, emotional as physical development was stunted.  She lived in a rural part of the state and was not in any type of educational setting such Preschool or Head Start.  By the time she was finally placed in foster care she was severly delayed in her emotional development.  She had no impulse control and would have constant tantrums that by the time she was 5 years old was totally out of control.  Biting, kicking, threatenings physical harm on others.  She frightened everyone she met if she felt threatened or was made to do ANYTHING she didn't want to do.   I referred to her as a "Helen Keller" child.  oHelen Keller was  deaf and blind and was aloud to do what she wanted.  Her parents took only pity on her and didn't expect her to develop into a total person.  A human being that could contribute to society.  My daughter was eventually adopted by a family.  However, they were ill equipped for what this child needed.  She needed love yes. But she also needed a firm hand.  Someone who would hold her accountable for her actions.  The adopted home became an abusive home.  The parents lost control and to make a long story short she ended up being in 6 other homes before  a being placed with me.  I was/and still am the Anne Sullivan.  I have had to use total behavior modification mixed with grace and mercy to raise her from an out of control 8 year old to a now 14 year old.  Emotionally she is about 12 on a good day and on a bad day she goes all he way back to a 2 year.  But I know in the long run it is in her best interest as well as society's for her to  finally heal and be a productive member of the world.  Fortunately, the foster care system in my state does offer respite care and financial help.  However, some of the mental health issues can not be solved overnight.  These type of children need consistency and there is a high turnover in the industry because of burnt out.  When you adopt an older child you have to know that you are doing it for them and you may never be thanked for it.
 I live now in the Middle East and these children have some of the same stressors as their Western counter parts.  Where I live it is legal for men to have up to 4 wives.  Its just like when a man has children by multiple women.  There may be even neglect  and abuse.  However, there is no big safety net like in the United States.  There is no CPS and children are not protected in the same way.  Even though the country is considered rich in money, they have no child car seat laws and it is common to see children with decaying teeth.  These acts by parents would be grounds for children to be removed from the home.  However, in this country it is common place

I have given birth to four children. Two boys and two girls.  In many ways they were the same and in others they were quite different.  I remember reading what I called the Baby Bible.  The book, What to Expect When You are Expecting, was my reference for everything that I wanted  or needed to know.  DNA testing and other prenatal tests were not as advanced as it is today.  When a sonogram was done, the baby looked  like a blob.  Father's were not only allowed it was encouraged. I actually had very uncomplicated pregnancies and births.  I was prepping myself for a caesarean  or some other negative experience.  Now, don't get me wrong.  There was severe pain and anguish. But I was able to manage without an epidural.  The very first delivery I had no pain killers at all.  But by the third delivery I asked for something just to take the edge off.  I delivered with in a few hours of being admitted.  Each and every baby was born within 20minutes of the amniotic fluid being manually released by the doctor.  By the fourth baby my husband told me to wait while he got a cup of coffee.  He knew nothing would happen until the fluids were released.
However, witnessing my  niece being born was most exciting.  To be on the other side of delivery was different. That was the first time I had witnessed a baby being born that wasn't mine. While it was beautiful it was messy.  The smells actually made me nauseas   However, her delivery was complicated.  The baby became stuck in the birth canal and  had to be suctioned out.  My sister did receive an epidural and her delivery was long and difficult. 
I have even been asked to be in the delivery room of a friend that I work with.  We both are living in a Middle Eastern country ( I chose not to say what country because if for some reason someone from this country access this site I could be deported for saying negative things)  The way things are done are in some ways different and in others the same.  The medical facility was  modern and up to date.  My friend knew that she must have a cesarean and there was at least 10 people in the operating room.  3 of the people were their just to take care of the infant to make sure that everything was ok and if not they would be ready to facilitate any necessary care.  The only big difference that I saw is that EVERYONE was female.  There are no men allowed.  I guess if she had of insisted that her husband be present that would have been ok.  But all of the doctors and technicians were female.  This country is very taboo when it comes to men and women relationships.  While it is one of the most liberal countries of the Middle East, it is still very old fashion and patriarchal.  It is against the law to have a baby and not be married.  My friend had to present her marriage license as well as his passport upon delivery. 
In terms of child development, this country has a long way to go. They are just coming to terms with genetics and how having relations with relatives shouldn't be.  They are however, very big on fertility and providing help for women who are having a hard time concieiving.

 All four of my biological children 2012

My first born age 25

My first born 6 weeks